Guest Blogger: F. Antonio Cante

I like to spice things up a bit with this blog. I, personally, am not a huge cupcake fan, but I do know an entertaining food review when I see one. Allow me to introduce, F. Antonio Cante – he’s one of my co-workers and the occasional tester of some of my food. He wrote this review about one of our catered cupcakes here at work. Although neither one of us made this treat, I found his review to be uniquely hilarious and outrageously entertaining:

Four score and 3 minutes ago I looked upon the white porcelain plate on which lay the soft white scattered remnants of what can only be described as the Marilyn Monroe of cupcakes, the iPhone of baked goods. The Napoleon Dynamite of desserts. If this cupcake asked me to wash its chonies, I’d say how and when.

The great white hope as I have affectionately come to name this small miracle of baked perfection. A meticulous marriage of soft effervescent  ( I was going to use another word here. I’ll give you a hint it rhymes with HOIST but then I thought nope thats not gonna work. Instead I decided to go with effervescent. Ok back to my review) cake with a generous yet meticulously placed layer of swirled frosting topped with a subtle sprinkling of coconut flakes adorning the top.

A marriage of ingredients hasn’t come together this well since honey nut met Cherrios and cheese decided to hang out with a burger. The ingredients mix together in perfect harmony to form a euphoric explosion of  flavors. Like a haboob of sweetness (haboob, thats a word I don’t get to use as often in the English language as I’d like ok  I think I’ll say it again HABOOB)

All encapsulated in a baked gem in the shape of Justin Beiber’s hair-do. If only we as people could learn to come together like these ingredients we could abolish racism, end poverty and  learn how to drive without texting and let the healing begin.   If you only eat one cupcake this year, then you need to get out more often. But if you eat two cupcakes this year then make sure this is one of them, you will be a better person for it.

 

F. Antonio Cante

Internationally unknown deep thinker

 

So what do you guys think? Shouldn’t he start his own blog?!?!